Earlier today, Koch Brothers-affiliated organization Americans For Prosperity made a blazing accusation that the residents of 421023 Falstone Avenue, Chevy Chase, MD have single-handedly caused the world’s climate crisis. AFP has long denied the existence of climate change, calling it “far-fetched,” which has made this accusation especially surprising.
“On the second of January this year,” the report reads, “the residents of 421023 left the front window next to their door open for approximately 4.34 hours with their heater on for about 95.34% of that time. During this time, four trillion terawatt hours of electricity, equal to the output of the entire US power grid were lost, causing a global climate crisis. AFP also suspects that they had left their lights on without being in the room.”
When asked why AFP thought this story was so important, they responded: “people need to understand the truth that clients of ours, such as David Koch and corporations all over the world, are in no way responsible for the global climate crisis.” We pressed harder, pointing out that no scientific evidence backs up that claim, to which the spokesperson responded, “we aren’t scientists, but this is proof that regulation isn’t necessary because we are not the problem.”
As of press time, no member of the scientific community has corroborated this report, but Elon Musk has tweeted his praise for the “incredible precision and methodology” of AFP.
