The 2016 Foreign Influence Games saw Russia and China come to a head, both countries having made the top cut after rigging countless elections in smaller African and Asian countries. After all of the fierce competition to get to the top, the finals themselves were rather anticlimactic. Russia, taking advantage of the electoral college, rampant partisanship, and the less than savory business practices of several major social media companies, was able to break new records by electing Donald J. Trump to the presidency, thoroughly vanquishing China and taking first place.

Four years later, China has made the finals again, and is vowing that this year, they’ll win - no matter the cost. We spoke with a representative of the People's Republic of China about their country’s vow to push Biden to the finish line:

“After our humiliating defeat in the 2016 Games, we’ve made some changes to ensure such a sweeping loss won’t happen again. Our completely original strategy includes reorganizing to better take advantage of both the electoral college and deep running partisanship, partaking in mass collection of information from social media, and copy-pasting Cambridge Analytica’s proprietary algorithms.”

China has also reportedly doubled its manpower dedicated to the games, dipping into their ever dwindling North Korean reserves.

In related news, China has vowed to become a finalist in this year’s Middle East Instigation Games after 25 years of losing in the semifinals to the US’s “Oil and WMD” strategy.