After last night's Presidential Debate at Case Western Reserve University, the nation grumbled out of their seats and asked “Can we just elect my cat?”
The debate was considered by many to be one of the most polarizing in years, with candidates at each other's throats like predators in a jungle. Noting the irony, the nation asked if they could just vote in their house cat Muffin.
“Sure, we don’t know where he stands on foreign policy, and he did nothing to stop COVID, but he doesn’t do THIS,” said the nation, violently gesturing to a recording of the debate on MSNBC. “He may not be ideal, but he can’t talk, and right now I’m starting to think that’s a blessing.”
If elected, Muffin would be the first one year old housecat to hold the nation's highest office. Despite his lack of any known stances, supporters are wowed by his campaign promises of meows, a soft purring, and lying on his back awaiting tummy rubs.
We Zoomed in our foremost political expert, Dr. Verman Politiczuck, straight from Moscow (due to US sanctions on him) to discuss Muffin’s appeal to voters nationwide: “Muffin’s campaign promises are in stark contrast to the messages of hatred and division pushed by Trump and Biden.” Politiczuck continued: “Muffin is perfect for our current political climate. Both major candidates are going at each other like large cats, maybe it’s time for a small cat.” Dr. Politiczuck proceeded to laugh at his own joke.
During a break in the interview, Dr. Politiczuck was dragged away by a number of tall Russian men.
At press time, the nation had broken down crying, saying to reporters “Please God. Just get the damn cat in office so we don’t have to go through another day in hell!”
Muffin could not be reached for comment as he was too busy chasing a toy mouse.
