Late yesterday, California Senator Dianne Feinstein vehemently denounced the rumors of her cognitive decline in a fiery speech delivered to several potted plants in her office. This comes after a recent article by Snitch wannabe The New Yorker questioned her cognitive ability due to her advancing age.

“My mental state has never been better!” shouted an agitated Feinstein to several ferns and a festive poinsettia adorning her congressional office, “don’t you look at me like that! I’ve been serving in the Senate for 30 years, and I’ll be damned if I let any of you slander my reputation! Now get out of my office!”

After pausing a few seconds to catch her breath, Senator Feinstein continued:

“My mental state has never been better! Don’t you look at me like that! I’ve been serving in the Senate for 30 years and I’ll be damned if I let any of you slander my reputation! Now get out of my office!”

At press time, Senator Feinstein had fired the offending poinsettia and told an actual staffer to phone Strom Thurmond’s office so she could discuss her latest bill.