Late yesterday, Rudy Giuliani’s microbiome released a statement saying it was unsure it could make room for another disease after its host contracted COVID-19. The letter, which had signatories that included Consumption, Bubonic Plague, E. coli, Ebola, Measles, and Gout, discussed the challenges of packing so many diseases into such a small shriveled man.

“I’ll be completely honest, it's getting a little overcrowded in here,” said Syphilis, the diseases’ spokesperson, in a one-on-one interview with The Snitch. He continued:

“It used to be classy, a symbol of status, to get a spot in the Rudy Guiliani! America’s mayor! But recently we’ve seen an influx of unsavory sorts. I was just taking a walk around Rudy’s loins the other day when I was mugged by chlamydia. Chlamydia! Like I was in a peasant or a drunken teenager! Now look, I’ve got nothing against COVID-19. I’ve heard he’s quite the young professional, but we’re packed in like sardines and we just can’t make any more room.”

At press time, it was announced that COVID-19 understood that Giuliani was overcrowded and had decided to look for more space in Michigan and Arizona state legislators.