A shocking discovery rocked the conservative media yesterday, when an investigation found that Tucker Carlson’s recent admiration for the “masculinity” of China’s armed forces stems from his illicit and torrid affair with Mark Zhao, a Chinese sailor on shore leave.

The two met at a bar in Beijing last year, Zhao was on shore leave from the Liaoning, the aircraft carrier he is an ensign on. Carlson was on a “Racists Abroad” month for Fox News. Sources describe Tucker as immediately taken with Zhao’s “chiseled features” and “powerful physique,” which he associated with the power of China’s military.

For more on this story we talked to an anonymous source within Zhao’s unit, Luke Xu.

“I was kind of taken aback by how it happened,” Xu told us, “He walked up to Mark at the bar, and asked whether China allows women in the military. Mark started to respond that yes, China employs over 90,000 women in the military, but Tucker just said ‘shhhhhhh.’”

In retrospect Carlson’s affair probably should have been more obvious. When looking back at his segments on the “feminization” of the U.S.’s military compared to the “masculinization” of China’s he dropped some subtle hints to his repeated trysts with Zhao. We included a transcript of part of Tucker’s monologue from last week.

“Body armor, for women!? Insane! As Joe Biden makes America’s military weak and girly China makes theirs stronger, bigger, faster, and sexier. Compared to the U.S., China's military has rock solid, muscular arms, ripped abs, and eyes that you can just lose yourself in. I’m sorry viewers, I need to take a second.”

At press time Tucker announced that, indeed, he loves China’s military so much he’ll be marrying it. He and Zhao will be tying the knot in an occupied Tibentan monastery later this month. We wish them luck and are happy Tucker’s finally living his truth!