Reports yesterday from an anonymous source insisting they were one of the B-CC crew team’s “numerous fans” say that the team lost a… race? We were planning not to report on this loss at all, but apparently our sports department head Jake Krillen is a member of the crew team, so we had to.

Additionally, our anonymous source lamented that “the coxswain on the other boat was hardly shouting at all.” So wait, is there, like, a shouter or something? We guess so, but it’s kind of vague. But then, like, why are they shouting? For a while, we figured that we had gotten mixed up and this was just the stage crew we were talking about, but when we asked our source about it they had an aneurysm.

Oh well. Jake told us that the novice team “can’t row their way out of a pile of wet laundry” and they were “disrespecting the noble sport of crew.” This would be a stinging insult were it not for the fact that we don’t give a damn.

As of press time, our team here at Snitch Sports has worked hard to disband the crew team altogether so we never have to report on it again. Who comes up with this bullshit?