Your Dad’s sneezes have been found to be among the leading causes of noise pollution by a research group which includes your ears.

Witnesses to the sneezes have reported that Your Dad showed off his perfect sneezing form. He started sitting down in an armchair, hand on his knee. Next he executed a perfect arch back as he prepared to sneeze, face pointed towards the ceiling. Finally, the sneeze itself was performed perfectly, loud enough to wake all the neighbors on each side of the house. Finally, as if the sneeze wasn’t good enough itself on its own he looked around as if wondering if the sneeze would buy him the attention he was searching for.

We sent managing editor Hudson Yon to interview Your Dad about his incredible achievement, the transcript can be found below:

Hudson: Some are saying that this sneeze was revolutionary. What do you say?

Your Dad: Well like a shovel, I would like to think it was groundbreaking.

Hudson: Haha, yes really funny. Can you tell us more about your training routine

Your Dad : It was nothing really. The exemplary sneezing motion comes naturally to all dads, just like being inept with technology or making that sound we all make when settling into a chair. However I would like to think that, like a knife, my training is on the cutting edge.

Hudson: Can you stop making this same joke? I’m really getting frustrated.

Your Dad: Hi, really getting frustrated, I’m Dad!

Hudson: Incoherent Screams

As of press time, a new cause of noise pollution is becoming a threat: Your Dad's snoring.