As of October 2nd, 2020, the federal government has enacted a bill which approves the punishment of adolescents through the third-party application Delta Math. The bill, controversial among the Democratic party due to its inhumane approach and Delta Math’s would-be monopoly on punishment, finally passed through the House, and then the Senate due to it’s rising popularity among constituents. The bill’s sponsor, Rep. Jack Michaels (D), describes it as “the new Sisyphean boulder. They won’t even know what hit ‘em.”

The punishment, as described by Mr. Michaels, is to strap the victim in a chair and force them to complete one single, tedious Delta Math assignment. “But little do they know, they will always get the last problem wrong, forcing them to start the assignment over,” he cackled.

While some have seen the new bill as an attempt for corporations to take over federal punishment, the bill flaunts its convenient and simple design, which is cost-effective and easy to implement in low income communities.

We here at The Snitch decided to obtain a local opinion on the matter by interviewing B-CC’s math department. Unfortunately, we were informed that upon hearing the news of the bill’s passing, all available math teachers had had fits of uncontainable joy and were unable to be interviewed.