This Monday, the GOP announced Don Quixote as their energy consultant for new positions on wind energy. Since the dawn of time, the GOP has vehemently opposed the use of windmills for energy, as well as renewable energy as a whole. In a statement by Mitch McConnell earlier today, the party announced that it has finally found a professional consultant and spokesperson for their position on wind power: fabled adventurer Don Quixote.
“He is just the kind of man we were looking for,” stated Mitch McConnell in an interview earlier today. “We wanted a chivalrous, brave hero who could stand up to the tyrannical windmills. Don Quixote fits this mold perfectly. His ruthless attacks on windmills have become legend, and we hope he can keep that energy while working for us.” Mitch McConnell refused to respond to further questioning by retracting back into his shell.
“I am honored to work for the King of the United States,” Don Quixote told us in an exclusive interview. “To be honest, when they asked me to consult with them on windmills, I had no idea what they were talking about. What can a windmill do besides produce clean, renewable energy? However, when they brought up giants, I knew that I was up for the quest. I will make my new country proud by protecting her from those evil shapeshifters! By the way, have you seen Dulcinea del Toboso? I’ve been looking for her.” Don Quixote also informed us that his first course of action will be to find Mambrino’s Helmet and the Balsam of Fierbras.
As most Republican congressmen were alive during Don Quixote's original quest, the party has fully embraced their new windmill consultant. Senators Lindsey Graham and Chuck Grassley expressed their support by smashing several solar panels with sledgehammers. Ted Cruz also voiced his approval, stating that he has learned Spanish recently specifically to make communicating with Don Quixote simpler. No other reason.
Sancho Panza will be joining Don Quixote in his new job but was unavailable for questioning. He is currently detained at the border but is expected to get a green card within the next decade. More on the story soon.
