As of last week, the streets have been abuzz with drama on the Grimes-Musk split. We managed to secure a Snitch exclusive interview with one of the stars themselves, Grimes, so she could give some insight into her side of the story.
Laurel: So, Grimes, now that you and Elon Musk have split, how have you been spending your time?
Grimes: Great that you ask! Obviously, I’ve been working tons on my album, but with the time that I am no longer spending with Elon, I’ve been trying to branch out and explore some new projects. I’ve taken acting classes, tried to break into the cat video industry, plotted bloody, bloody revenge on that jerk who broke my heart, and even defected to Blue Origin with plans for a lesbian space commune on Europa.
Laurel: Wait, bloody vengeance … could you elaborate on that, please?
Grimes: Absolutely! Did you know that when we started dating he made me take “anti-capitalist” out of my Twitter bio? I mean, I was a leftist icon and now any self-respecting socialist wants nothing to do with me! Do you know how hard this has made it to find lesbians for my space commune? And then he decides to up and leave me! So, yes, of course I’m going to make that miserable asshole pay.
Laurel: Sounds like you’re busy! How’s your son been keeping up with these changes?
Grimes: X Æ A-12’s been an absolute champ. In fact, I’ve even found some ways to get him involved!
Laurel: How would a 1-year-old meaningfully contribute to your plot?
Grimes: You see, my plan is to completely poison little X against his father, driving him paranoid with stories about how Daddy Elon is secretly out to kill him while simultaneously inflating his ego until he’s even worse than his father. I’ll tell him how he deserves to be the CEO of SpaceX and Tesla, not Elon. Of course, during this entire time, I’ll refuse to let him see a therapist or have a decent support network outside of me. Then, only once he’s old enough, I’ll give him his final mission. Kill his father in cold blood, take over his companies, and become the richest and most powerful man in the world, and be utterly devoted to me.
Laurel: Sounds like the little tyke is off to great things! Thank you for joining us, Grimes, and on behalf of all of the Snitch, we wish you the best of luck on your new project.
Grimes: Oh, that’s so sweet! When the time for reckoning comes, you will be one of the few that are spared. Thanks so much for having me!
