An employee of Marvel Studios has recently revealed several of the upcoming projects of the studio, sparking controversy and confusion among fans, critics, and world leaders. In a Monday press conference, Joe Durham accidently let slip that “among our next few plans are a Spider Man reboot, two TV shows about Hawkeye’s fifth cousins, and a war between China and India. Wait — stop recording.”
A preliminary investigation by the FBI confirmed that Marvel has been orchestrating another World War for about three years, and they’ve already planned a sequel war among the surviving nations. This has helped explain several unusual occurrences, including the disappearance of several nuclear warheads from Siberia, the discovery of confidential North Korean information in Joe Biden’s office, and an aggressive, cryptic message to Vladimir Putin sent from a Marvel office with Thor postage stamps.
By beginning a war, Marvel hoped to capitalize on global panic to engage in illegal weapons trading and information selling. They would also take over the nation of Madagascar and establish a military dictatorship. Afterwards, a new Dr. Strange movie was slated for production.
“The only thing I regret,” claimed Marvel CEO Ike Perlmutter in an interview yesterday, “was that we couldn’t keep this a surprise. Our goal was to create a true multimedia experience where people can interact with their favorite Marvel characters not only on the screen but on the battlefield. You have to understand — ever since the release of Avengers: Endgame, The Mouse has grown impatient. We do not want to keep The Mouse waiting any longer. But hey, you can't fault our work ethic. Our ethics, yes, but not the effort we put into global conflicts.”
As of press time, Marvel has promised not to carry through with their plans after global uproar. In other news, all international communications from Madagascar mysteriously ended last week, but US intelligence will be unable to act until they find where Madagascar is on a map.
