In a statement released yesterday, a group of idea starved Netflix producers debuted a “once in a lifetime opportunity” by offering one hundred thousand dollars to anyone who commits a crime grisly enough for them to make an award winning and bingeable limited series about.
We talked to Netflix spokesperson Jason Atwood about this interesting new opportunity:
“True crime is all the rage these days. Unfortunately, our producers have exhausted every tantalizing story about a handsome serial killer, murderous love-pentagon, or hairbrained heist gone wrong. We thought for a while about just committing the murders ourselves but the test runs we did lacked the necessary panache and unnecessary complexity we needed to create our content.”
In addition to the hundred thousand, Netflix is offering bonuses for checking specific boxes in one’s crimes. Examples include five thousand for tying in a divisive political issue, ten thousand if it's somehow cult-related, and thirty thousand if they can reference specific brand names during their crimes.
To see how this offer is being received among the general public, we sent Snitch Managing Editor Hudson Yon to record an interview with Randall Rich, one of the several thousand people who have agreed to Netflix’s deal:
“Hello, Mr. Yon, would you like a Coke™? When I originally heard about Netflix’s offer, I was unsure I could really commit a crime engrossing enough, and besides I was almost always too busy drinking Coke™ with my cult at “Save The Whales” rallies. But the more I thought about it, the more I knew that I could totally win that 100k. The crime would need to be really riveting though. It would need to involve someone with an interesting profession, a journalist perhaps, cut down in their prime during a groundbreaking investigation… say, could you hand me that cleaver?”
At press time, Netflix had already moved shows about several of the most sordid crimes into production. On an unrelated note Hudson hasn’t checked in for work in several days. If you see him, could you let him know that one of these new series, “Stop The Presses,” has someone in it who looks just like him!
