According to recent studies conducted by top researchers, I am objectively correct, and you are unquestionably wrong. You may be wondering, “but where can I find these studies, Bruno?” The answer is you cannot find them anywhere —- they exist beyond the intellectual limits of your erroneous mind, but I can assure you that they are authentic and accurate; I peer-edited them myself and because I am right, the studies are, too.
That’s right, folks, I found solid, rock hard proof that I am 100% right, all of the time, no matter what. But obviously, you don’t need this proof, because since I am right all of the time, you must be wrong all of the time, and therefore your request for this “proof” is simply wrong.
But obviously, you should have known that I was right, because I am always right, and given I am always right, you must always be wrong. You don’t even come close to being right, because I am right 100% of the time, so that must mean that you are wrong 100% of the time. Don’t even bother arguing with me, because no matter what, I will always be right, and I will always be right in saying that you are wasting your breath.
I decided to interview Dr. Anthony Fauci, a top voice nationwide, about him agreeing with me about how right I am, but more importantly, also how wrong you are. How wrong you could possibly be for even attempting to reach my level of precision. And, in fact, Dr. Fauci very much confirms my stunning ability to be completely correct, all of the time. His sources you ask? Me, because, once again, I agree that I am right all of the time.
Of course, to preserve The Snitch’s journalistic integrity, I made Fauci sign an NDA which requires him to act confused and swear he never participated in any interviews when asked. In this interview, Fauci said various things that you cannot verify but that are totally true because, again, I’m right and you’re wrong;
“...According to my latest study, which is not published anywhere but is still legitimate, Bruno is right 100% of the time. He just is. And nothing will ever change that...”
“...If you think Bruno isn’t right, then you’re wrong. And if you think he is right, you’re also wrong —- only Bruno can determine if he is right or not. And he is always right. Therefore you are right. But Bruno says you’re wrong. Wait a second...”
Oh.
