Last week, a study published by The New England Journal of Literature and Medicine made a massive breakthrough in the mental health field as researchers established a strong correlation between serious mental health issues, and being a hard-boiled private detective in a 1950’s noir novel.
We talked to Phillip Spade, one of the researchers, for more information on this groundbreaking study:
“After an exhaustive study, we found that subjects were over 70% more likely to suffer from mental health issues such as anxiety, depression, and addiction, if they were PIs in a 1950’s noir novel who were currently embroiled in a case testing the limits of a moral man in an amoral world. We found that feelings of hopelessness were in many cases related to the crushing weight of dealing with the dark underbelly of humanity while trying to solve the kidnapping of a young heiress or the murder of a partner.”
For a more personal take on this issue we sent our Managing Editor, Caleb Levy to meet with a new addition to the Snitch lore page, Jack Poulet a hard boiled private investigator.
“This study is ridiculous,” said Poulet, light streaming through the slats of his office window as smooth saxophone music drifted through the room. After trying unsuccessfully to smoke a cigar for several minutes he continued: “People like this say that the PI gig is too tough. That it chews men up and spits them out broken. But I’m living proof this study is wrong. I mean sure, I live in my office, my car got repoed, and I haven’t worked in six months, but I don’t do it for the money. Well, I don’t anymore since no one pays me…”
After the interview, The Snitch took pity on Mr. Poulet and decided to hire him, as we had an opening on our staff due to our political contributor, Dr. Verman Politiczuck, being eaten by sharks while trying to escape a U.N. SWAT team.
At press time Spade and The New England Journal of Literature and Medicine had published a new study documenting the possible links between inbreeding and being a character in Greek mythology.
