In a move that many are lauding as “preserving the spirit of the classics,” Google Maps announced a new “Odysseus Mode” yesterday that makes even the shortest trip at least ten years longer and adds plenty of life-threatening stops to keep you occupied on your journey.

“I had the idea for this feature while I was writing my daughter’s English essay on The Odyssey. As someone in the transportation industry, all I could think about was how much Odysseus would have benefited from GPS mapping. His journey was supposed to take two weeks, but it ended up taking ten years,” said Lisa Holt, the lead developer of Odysseus Mode, in an exclusive Snitch interview, “but after two bottles of wine, I realized that it was we who needed to learn a lesson from Odysseus and not the other way around. Despite the slaughter of his entire crew, Odysseus was able to have great experiences on his journey. That’s the spirit I hope Odysseus Mode will capture.”

Although our interview was informative, we here at The Snitch decided to take it a step further and get a real demonstration. To accomplish this, we turned on “Odysseus Mode” on our Managing Editor Hudson Yon’s phone and sent him to the supermarket to get some Red Bull. That was six weeks ago, and we haven’t heard from him since, so we can only conclude that it was a stunning success.

As of press time, some Google Maps users who tried Odysseus Mode have reportedly experienced no differences in routing compared to the default mode, claiming that they “are only about as [totally lost] as Google Maps normally makes us.”