After an extensive investigation by The Snitch, senior Timothy Malloy, known for his spotless attendance of school protests and walkouts, has been revealed to be a regular at Subway. Witnesses have stated that during the Climate Strike on September 20th, Malloy was spotted at the Wisconsin Ave Subway with a footlong sub as the planet burned.

Despite posting photos of himself at the “March For Our Lives” event on March 24th, a new accusation claims that he was partaking in a 6-inch sandwich filled with cookies instead of attempting to convince Congress to pass common-sense gun legislation.

At the time of writing, Malloy has planned a demonstration against this piece that coincides with this Friday’s lunch period, and the rest of the day.