Thanksgiving has only just concluded, and already it has been reduced to mere numbers by a new survey. The survey, which was conducted “for science, fun, and definitely not malicious advertising purposes,” asked people to list the dishes they were preparing for this year's meal. Much to the researchers' surprise, “baked firearms” had made substantial gains since last year. The dish, which is made by placing guns in an oven, is usually unpopular, a fact generally attributed to its bad aftertaste and the substantial risk of being shot by bullets combusting in the heat.

Now, those of you who are well read, experts in the field, or spend far too much time reading random articles online may know that the oven is a surprisingly popular place for gun owners to leave weapons while traveling. Researchers believe the uptick in baked firearms could be caused by people forgetting to take their guns out of the oven after their plans were cancelled, forcing them to cook for themselves. We interviewed three people who made the dish to find out more.

“Yes it was intentional.” said Aidean Hall, “It's not like I hid my weapons in the oven and left for the airport, only to have my stupid brother call me two hours later to say that he ‘didn’t feel comfortable’ having me over, and that ‘there was always next year,’ causing me to come home and start cooking without remembering to remove the guns. That’s not what happened at all.”

Interviewee Abbie Bennet had a different take:

“It was really more of an artistic choice than anything else, which is to say, it was definitely intentional.”

To round out our interviews we talked with Isaac Davis, who said the following of his decision:

“It was completely intentional and not an accident and how did you get in here? My doors are locked.”

At press time, we here at The Snitch were too busy dealing with our new breaking and entering charges to follow up further.