Early this week, a strongly worded Reddit post revealed the disappointing reality of Japan, in which an anonymous Redditor bemoaned the nation’s lack of magic swords, ridiculous battles, and women who vie for his attention. That’s right: despite what anime has led many to believe, random Japanese women are not willing to date shut-in men who are active on incel forums.

We reached out to the Redditor, u/basedandshounenpilled, and asked him to further recount his experience. He eagerly complained, “I knew something was wrong the moment I stepped off the plane. As I entered Haneda Airport, I yelled, ‘I’ll never forgive the Japanese!’, which is,” he explained, pushing his glasses up his pale, clammy face and smirking, “a reference to the anime JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure. But rather than flocking to me like locusts, women stopped and stared in disgust! I was sure by now that something was off, so as soon as I left the airport I looked for someone who could explain.”

“I spoke to these badass-looking guys in fluent Japanese, which I had picked up from years of Dragon Ball Z,” stated the Redditor, “but they didn’t seem to understand me, probably because my Japanese is just too advanced for common normies. I finally tried to communicate with them by showing them a scene from my favorite … mature anime, but I guess they were Yakuza members or something, and now I think there’s a bounty on my head.”

u/basedandshounenpilled elaborated with a possible explanation for anime’s lack of truthfulness: “It is likely that Chads and western liberals have ruined Japan, destroying its beautiful and storied culture of misogyny.” At this point, the man’s overwhelming body odor reached our Managing Editor, Hudson Yon, who promptly fled the interview.

As of press time, u/basedandshounenpilled has been captured by Yakuza enforcers after attacking a man who failed to acknowledge his Naruto reference.