Late last week, science teacher Prudence Carless, who infamously claimed that “cheaters never prosper,” was discovered to only have subprime knowledge of Wall Street.

For more on the story, The Snitch obtained an exclusive interview with Ms. Carless:

“How was I supposed to know an entire section of the economy was controlled by cheaters?” said Carless, “I was homeschooled and my parents always told me that cheaters never win, but it’s like everything they taught me was a lie! What else isn’t true? Is the Earth actually round?!”

Carless, now experienced with questioning reality and following illogical tangents, has become a theory of knowledge teacher instead.

The teacher’s plight became the subject of much ridicule when the story spread among the stockbroker community, with Wall Street broker Rhip Oph tweeting the following:

“I can’t believe anyone is that naive — haven’t they watched The Wolf of Wall Street? Banks steal money from loans. Brokers do insider trading. Companies manipulate stock prices. It’s like cheating on tests, which is actually how I obtained my stockbroker license. Cheating the system is the best way to succeed. Don’t believe me? Ask your average honors precalculus student.”

As of press time, we hired Mr. Oph as our stockbroker, but we were cheated out of our investments and lost all of The Snitch’s funds. We may need to file for bankruptcy to get out of this one.