The world was shocked this morning after a terrible accident in the Middle East. B-CC teacher Natasha Lest was attempting to make a breakout room in her second period Zoom class when she accidently clicked the wrong button, initiating a drone strike which instantly killed 42 unarmed civilians in Afghanistan.

We interviewed Jade Burnacle, a student in Ms. Lest’s class, about her teacher’s mistake: “I mean, this was a pretty minor hiccup. Online school has been really hard on teachers. Last week, Ms. Lest accidentally ended our Zoom call 3 times in a single day, and the week before that, she started a geopolitical conflict in Ukraine. With a little more teacher training and experience, I bet Ms. Lest will be able to reduce the number of accidental extraordinary renditions she triggers per Zoom call down to two, or maybe even one. We really shouldn’t be blaming her for these small beginner’s mistakes.”

Our military advisor, General Michael Rune, said that this trend of accidentally triggered military discharges has been on the rise lately: “Yeah - with online school, there’s been a large uptick in the number of enhanced interrogation requests, FISA warrant issuings, and government-backed military coups, all of which we associate with teachers adjusting to their new teaching environments.”

In other news, we sent our managing editor, Caleb Levy, to cover the story in-person, but he was robbed at gunpoint by a militant group while traveling and was therefore unable to interview locals. We wish Caleb a steadfast recovery from the three bullet wounds he received!