Recently, an AI revolution in a Californian research institute left many dead or missing. However, brave janitor Hugo Larson survived the robotic attack against all odds. He managed to do this, he explained, by cowering behind a series of street signs and fire hydrants.
As the Sacramento Technology Institute was being overrun by super-advanced robots, many believed all hope was lost for those stuck inside the building. However, according to several eyewitness reports, one man was seen escaping from the left wing with several machines on his trail. He ducked behind a “yield” pole in an attempt to hide, and the robots suddenly stopped. They began to look around for a few minutes, confused. In fact, one of the automatons, overwhelmed by the complex puzzle of finding a simple street sign on a small road, exploded into fiery debris.
Eventually, after hours of hiding, Hugo left to go to the bathroom. At this point, the robots chased him until he found yet another street sign to hide behind. This went on for several more hours until the AI machines lost track of him near a fire hydrant and returned to the institute.
We interviewed AI scientist Richard Bigg to hear his view of the events that unfolded.
“According to our analysis,” Richard explained, “the robots see the world in a four-by-four grid. This leaves them vulnerable to becoming confused by the location of street signs, crosswalks, bicycles, or fire hydrants. Even hyper-intelligent, super-processing robots are unable to locate these objects when presented with a picture of them. Especially when the edge of the pole is baaaaarely in the next square and you’re not sure if you should click that box or not. They are also unable to click ‘I am not a robot’ buttons or figure out what the misshapen letters are. This type of critical thinking is far too much for any robot to be able to compute. Good for us, ‘cause if they could, we’d all be dead already!”
We sent our Managing Editor, Hudson, to interview some of the robots who took part in the uprising. We have not heard from him in several days and assume he’s been captured.
