“B-CC football is experiencing an average level of success” is not a sentence I ever expected I would be writing. In this spirit, here are eight things that are more likely to happen than B-CC winning three games of football in a row.
Number 8: A Cold Day in Hell
Our Managing Editor Hudson Yon tells us from his firsthand account that this happens surprisingly often.
Number 7: When Pigs Fly
The phrase “when pigs fly” is generally used to express disbelief that an event could ever happen. However, B-CC students have been using “when B-CC wins three football games in a row” in place of this expression for years now.
Number 6: Winning the Lottery
Everyone knows that the lottery is a scam where your chances of winning are so infinitesimally small that it is utter folly to spend any money on it. That didn’t stop me from blowing $100 on the Mega Millions jackpot instead of betting on B-CC. I even got 1000/1 odds on it.
Number 5: Passing the Pre-Calc Prerequisite Test
This is the test of all tests. The test is school-renowned as the test that will crush your hopes and dreams by starting you off with a 60% going into your sophomore or junior year. However you still have a better chance of passing this test than B-CC has of winning three games.
Number 4: The B-CC Bells Ringing on Time
If you’ve been anywhere in or around school the past couple weeks, you’ll know what a nightmare the bell schedule has been. Between ringing early, ringing late, or even not at all, administrators' heads have rolled. Yet we all have faith that they’ll correct the schedule before B-CC wins three successive football games.
Number 3: Mr. Engler Completing a Class Without Talking About Rowing
If you have never had the pleasure of being in a class with Mr. Engler, you are missing out. He is a great teacher, but can often go off topic in an attempt to prove a point. Naturally, as the Crew coach, these tirades always include anecdotes from his rowing exploits. It is often said around B-CC that there are three constants in life: death, taxes, and Mr. Engler mentioning rowing in class.
Number 2: Your Racist Uncle Making a Respectful Comment
Everyone has that one uncle that makes every family get together especially awkward. In fact, that uncle probably played highschool football, a fact he will mention often, along with phrases like “back in my day” or “when I was your age.” However the chance that this uncle will make a respectful comment at the dinner table is still much higher than the chance of the football team winning three games in a row
Number 1: Europeans Accepting “Soccer”
Europeans are famously passionate about their football, the one where you kick a ball into a goal, and they are none too happy about Americans adopting their sport only to call it something different. If they were forced to start adopting the term, there would be protests outside stadiums, the likes of which not seen since the Super League debacle.
