News broke early yesterday that after being accepted into his dream college, a local senior was seen chainsaw juggling to fill the stress vacuum. The senior, Xavier Kingston, was seen juggling chainsaws in the park near his home after finally being accepted into his dream college, Columbia. We were able to talk to Kingston about his newfound hobby.

“Before I was accepted into Columbia I had a solid two months of being stressed every waking moment. I was only getting four hours of sleep, and I was consumed with college essays that needed to be written. Then it was suddenly all over, and I didn’t know what to do with myself. I felt strange, almost like I was going through a withdrawal, so I needed to find something. I tried sword swallowing, I tried bungee jumping, and even skydiving, but none of it was enough. Then I tried juggling chainsaws.”

Other seniors have also tried to fill the stress vacuum with various activities including swimming with sharks, drag racing, and going to Thanksgiving dinner.