Yesterday, MCPS confirmed rumors that a class of kindergarteners were admitted into mental institutions after a mass insanity event. The mental breakdown was the result of the shocking revelation that their teacher, Mr. Ibushi doesn’t actually live in the school.

The revelation occurred as Ibushi accidentally let slip that he was late because “he needed to grab something from his house.” What followed was pieced together from outside reports, as multiple witnesses reported incessant screaming, running with scissors, and kids stuffing themselves into lockers for a change. The school nurse reported that when the kids entered her office they were surrounded by cartoonesque stars.

When talking to the police, Ibushi reported that he knew he had said something wrong when the kids' eyes simultaneously glazed over and drool started dripping from their mouths. As the children were being psychologically evaluated, they were reportedly muttering about the prophet Ibushi and the eternal life He grants.

In response, MCPS has reportedly lured teachers to a seminar titled “How To Keep Your Kids Sane” with the promise of a bucket full of pens.