Last week, Texas’ Karnes County School Board announced they would be replacing the word “Dice” in math textbooks with “Sin Cubes.” The head of the board, Steve Wilson, released the following statement explaining the decision:

“We have been concerned about the word ‘Dice’ for a while now. We feel that the new name change will remind students not to stray from our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. If we don’t stamp out these sins early on, it is inevitable that our students will proceed to worse sins, like playing Dungeons and Dragons, standing up for minorities, practicing divination, or playing Pokémon.”

While many parents have applauded these moves, one parent did not think it was enough:

“We need to go further. My kids don’t need no probability; all it does is promote gambling. And reading? My kids don’t need reading to drive a tractor; all it does is allow my kids to read those ungodly books about magic like that Harry Potter shit.”

As of press time, the school board has begun debating whether lunch should be banned for promoting gluttony.