QUIZ: Which Snitch Staff Member Are You?

The Snitch Team • Dec 21, 2020

Which Snitch staff member are you? Find out with this awesome quiz from The Snitch!

What would you talk about so much that all the other Snitch staff members would start to resent you?

A ToK

B The problems with other people’s articles

C Model UN

D Musical theatre

E Tech

F British soccer

Every member of the Snitch staff has a deep dark insecurity that would take a psychiatrist years to uncover! Which one of these sounds most like you?

A Facial hair

B Chin

C Dependency on Wildhorn songs

D Sense of humor

E Why would I tell you?

F Resembling Boris Johnson

Now you’re starting to think like a Snitch staff member. Along with being annoying and insecure, most staff members also like long futile arguments that end in everyone losing! Which one of these things would you be so stubborn about disagreeing with, that you would bring Snitch productivity grinding to a halt just to keep fighting?

A Being on Not BCC-TV

B Everything Benjy says

C Internal consistency

D The phrasing of a headline

E Fighting for The Snitch podcast

F Semantics… lots of semantics

No one at The Snitch is good at what they do! Which one of these reasons for that sounds most like you?

A Is super cryptic (to cover for not actually knowing grammar)

B Works on ten useless projects instead of one important one

C Bcuz ur not funny and dont take time to do thigns

D Spends way too much time reading fan fiction

E Not being able to finish a sentence without - CAMELOOOOOOOOOOT

F Only cares about getting into college

The Snitch staff is always trying to augment their horrible personalities with fashion! Which one of these would you wear to distract from your innate unlikeability?!?!

A Monocle

B Neon green fedora

C Wearing the men’s J. Crew catalog

D “What’s fashion?”

E Béret, n’est ce pas

F Sport coat

Most of the actual slacking off in The Snitch takes place over Discord (see contact page). Which of these online slang terms would you use the most while on our discord server?

A Bravo good chap!

B F

C lol

D What’s Discord?

E Fat Pog

F LMAO

Uh oh! You’ve deleted The Snitch’s website! Which of these answers seems most like the one you would give?

A Where’d it go?! Oh god! All I did was add a semicolon!

B The middle step was important, wasn’t it?

C We have a website?

D I’m just working on a seven month redesign, it needed a fresh start

E Well why don’t we just go to podcast form?

F Press Ctrl+Z

Despite The Snitch’s high ethical standards, every now and then one of our members gets hauled in by various federal agencies for crimes that are almost never proven. It’s 1 a.m. and the G-Men have just kicked down your door and charged you with what?

A Using copyrighted images for Snitch articles

B Embezzlement

C Dropping a chandelier on people

D Sabotage and espionage

E Costing MCPS $500,000 in server fees

F Attempted murder of Dale

You’ve just caught someone trying to hack into The Snitch website (actually happened). It’s time to give a supervillain type monologue to the attempted hacker. What is your speech?

A I say you there! Hands off that sword! Put down that book!

B A jumbled monstrosity of pop culture references that only you understand

C A long rambling thematic soliloquy with a ton of Shakespearean and philosophical references

D Good! You can be the site pet :)

E Mocking them for using a WordPress exploit when we’re not even running a WordPress site

F You’re not good with speeches so you kind of trail off halfway through and then leave

We’re out of articles and you have to write one really quickly! You know it’s terrible but you need to make a cheap joke. Which of these hackneyed ideas do you use?

A Knock knock

B Caleb gets injured

C I say dear old chap, a joke about the British Empire!

D 69 ;)

E Bold of you to assume not all of what I write is cheap jokes

F Rickroll!!!! Lolllllll

You’ve just heard a truly awful article idea. You can’t let this one get written or it might single handedly bring down The Snitch. How do you tell the person their idea is terrible?

A In obscure showtunes

B Brutal honesty

C “Hmm, interesting...”

D @Dale

E Never tell them, leave the article editing for three weeks then quietly delete it

F Hope someone else does it

Are you a control freak?

A Yes

B Yes

C Yes

D Yes

E Yes

F Yes

You're []

...

Dale Bell

50%

Auguste Rame

50%

Caleb Levy

50%

Benjy Eichner

50%

Bill Angell

50%

Liv Dentoni

50%

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This article is part of the Quizzes series.