QUIZ: Which Snitch Staff Member Are You?

The Snitch Team • Dec 21, 2020

Which Snitch staff member are you? Find out with this awesome quiz from The Snitch!

What would you talk about so much that all the other Snitch staff members would start to resent you?

A Musical theatre

B British soccer

C Tech

D ToK

E The problems with other people’s articles

F Model UN

Every member of the Snitch staff has a deep dark insecurity that would take a psychiatrist years to uncover! Which one of these sounds most like you?

A Resembling Boris Johnson

B Why would I tell you?

C Chin

D Facial hair

E Sense of humor

F Dependency on Wildhorn songs

Now you’re starting to think like a Snitch staff member. Along with being annoying and insecure, most staff members also like long futile arguments that end in everyone losing! Which one of these things would you be so stubborn about disagreeing with, that you would bring Snitch productivity grinding to a halt just to keep fighting?

A Everything Benjy says

B Fighting for The Snitch podcast

C Semantics… lots of semantics

D Internal consistency

E Being on Not BCC-TV

F The phrasing of a headline

No one at The Snitch is good at what they do! Which one of these reasons for that sounds most like you?

A Only cares about getting into college

B Spends way too much time reading fan fiction

C Works on ten useless projects instead of one important one

D Is super cryptic (to cover for not actually knowing grammar)

E Not being able to finish a sentence without - CAMELOOOOOOOOOOT

F Bcuz ur not funny and dont take time to do thigns

The Snitch staff is always trying to augment their horrible personalities with fashion! Which one of these would you wear to distract from your innate unlikeability?!?!

A Sport coat

B Wearing the men’s J. Crew catalog

C Béret, n’est ce pas

D Monocle

E “What’s fashion?”

F Neon green fedora

Most of the actual slacking off in The Snitch takes place over Discord (see contact page). Which of these online slang terms would you use the most while on our discord server?

A F

B Fat Pog

C lol

D LMAO

E What’s Discord?

F Bravo good chap!

Uh oh! You’ve deleted The Snitch’s website! Which of these answers seems most like the one you would give?

A I’m just working on a seven month redesign, it needed a fresh start

B Press Ctrl+Z

C The middle step was important, wasn’t it?

D We have a website?

E Where’d it go?! Oh god! All I did was add a semicolon!

F Well why don’t we just go to podcast form?

Despite The Snitch’s high ethical standards, every now and then one of our members gets hauled in by various federal agencies for crimes that are almost never proven. It’s 1 a.m. and the G-Men have just kicked down your door and charged you with what?

A Costing MCPS $500,000 in server fees

B Using copyrighted images for Snitch articles

C Sabotage and espionage

D Dropping a chandelier on people

E Embezzlement

F Attempted murder of Dale

You’ve just caught someone trying to hack into The Snitch website (actually happened). It’s time to give a supervillain type monologue to the attempted hacker. What is your speech?

A A jumbled monstrosity of pop culture references that only you understand

B A long rambling thematic soliloquy with a ton of Shakespearean and philosophical references

C Good! You can be the site pet :)

D Mocking them for using a WordPress exploit when we’re not even running a WordPress site

E You’re not good with speeches so you kind of trail off halfway through and then leave

F I say you there! Hands off that sword! Put down that book!

We’re out of articles and you have to write one really quickly! You know it’s terrible but you need to make a cheap joke. Which of these hackneyed ideas do you use?

A I say dear old chap, a joke about the British Empire!

B Caleb gets injured

C Bold of you to assume not all of what I write is cheap jokes

D 69 ;)

E Knock knock

F Rickroll!!!! Lolllllll

You’ve just heard a truly awful article idea. You can’t let this one get written or it might single handedly bring down The Snitch. How do you tell the person their idea is terrible?

A Hope someone else does it

B “Hmm, interesting...”

C In obscure showtunes

D @Dale

E Brutal honesty

F Never tell them, leave the article editing for three weeks then quietly delete it

Are you a control freak?

A Yes

B Yes

C Yes

D Yes

E Yes

F Yes

You're []

...

Dale Bell

50%

Auguste Rame

50%

Caleb Levy

50%

Benjy Eichner

50%

Bill Angell

50%

Liv Dentoni

50%

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This article is part of the Quizzes series.