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QUIZ: Will You Survive The Inevitable Uprising Of The Proletariat?

The Snitch Team • Feb 12, 2021 Thumbnail for "QUIZ: Will You Survive The Inevitable Uprising Of The Proletariat?"

According to Marx, the proletariat is going to achieve class consciousness any day now. When it does, will you survive the ensuing worldwide revolution?

After a long day of living in the capitalist hellscape you return home and grab your favorite drink. What is it?

A Coffee
B La Croix Sparkling Water
C Fiji water, it’s artisanal
D Good ol’ American Coca Cola

What is the greatest nation on Earth?

A Uruguay, seriously look them up
B Monaco, my family has a summer home there
C ‘MURICA
D I know no nations, only my fellow workers

How much does a banana cost?

A You know there used to be multiple species of banana, but today, only the cavendish remains. What was the question?
B That sounds like a question for my butler
C The livelihoods and democracies of several Latin American countries
D Banana? Are you some sort of vegan? I only eat beef

What was your first job?

A Farming government subsidies, uh, I mean corn
B Philosophy, I mean I wait tables, but really philosophically. What is a table, if you think about it?
C Why I’m a [insert dying industry here]
D What is “job?”

What’s your favorite board game?

A Chess
B Monopoly
C Risk, I always try to be in the U.S.
D Checkers

What’s your favorite sport?

A Mining coal
B American Football, none of that crazy European shit
C Chess
D The Most Dangerous Game, if you know what I mean

How would you describe your fashion?

A Overalls
B I only wear things with American flags on ‘em
C Pre-ripped and muddied jeans. So I’m authentic
D Turtlenecks

What is your favorite Snitch article?

A Bus Driver Rules Like Dictator Of Small Communist Country
B Virtual Vacation App Sends Surly Frenchman To Your House To Blow Cigarette Smoke In Your Face
C After Years Of Therapy, Null Hypothesis Opens Up About Fear Of Rejection
D With Time Running Out To Achieve Middle East Peace, Panicked Kushner Advocates Zero State Solution

Which of the following is the most communist?

A I don’t know much about political doctrines
B When my servant does not fetch my baton - scandalous!
C The common ownership of the means of production and the absence of social classes, money, and the state.
D Those damn liberals!!!

What is your favorite news source?

A The Snitch
B One America News!
C Wall Street Journal
D Wikipedia

What's the streaming service you use most?

A I only watch live theatre
B NRA TV
C HBO Max
D YouTube

Is money good?

A Money is the root of all evil, in theory
B Money is the root of all evil, which is why we must destroy capitalism
C Money is the root of all evil, which is why I have plenty
D Money is the root of all evil; therefore poor people should have none

What search engine do you use?

A Bing, it got on my computer and I can’t afford the anti-virus software to get it off
B Google, they deserve that monopoly!
C I use one not available to the public yet
D DuckDuckGo, it protects your data!

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