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QUIZ: Will You Survive The Inevitable Uprising Of The Proletariat?

The Snitch Team • Feb 12, 2021 Thumbnail for "QUIZ: Will You Survive The Inevitable Uprising Of The Proletariat?"

According to Marx, the proletariat is going to achieve class consciousness any day now. When it does, will you survive the ensuing worldwide revolution?

After a long day of living in the capitalist hellscape you return home and grab your favorite drink. What is it?

A Coffee
B Fiji water, it’s artisanal
C La Croix Sparkling Water
D Good ol’ American Coca Cola

What is the greatest nation on Earth?

A ‘MURICA
B I know no nations, only my fellow workers
C Monaco, my family has a summer home there
D Uruguay, seriously look them up

How much does a banana cost?

A You know there used to be multiple species of banana, but today, only the cavendish remains. What was the question?
B The livelihoods and democracies of several Latin American countries
C That sounds like a question for my butler
D Banana? Are you some sort of vegan? I only eat beef

What was your first job?

A Farming government subsidies, uh, I mean corn
B What is “job?”
C Why I’m a [insert dying industry here]
D Philosophy, I mean I wait tables, but really philosophically. What is a table, if you think about it?

What’s your favorite board game?

A Chess
B Monopoly
C Risk, I always try to be in the U.S.
D Checkers

What’s your favorite sport?

A The Most Dangerous Game, if you know what I mean
B Mining coal
C Chess
D American Football, none of that crazy European shit

How would you describe your fashion?

A Pre-ripped and muddied jeans. So I’m authentic
B Turtlenecks
C I only wear things with American flags on ‘em
D Overalls

What is your favorite Snitch article?

A Virtual Vacation App Sends Surly Frenchman To Your House To Blow Cigarette Smoke In Your Face
B With Time Running Out To Achieve Middle East Peace, Panicked Kushner Advocates Zero State Solution
C After Years Of Therapy, Null Hypothesis Opens Up About Fear Of Rejection
D Bus Driver Rules Like Dictator Of Small Communist Country

Which of the following is the most communist?

A The common ownership of the means of production and the absence of social classes, money, and the state.
B Those damn liberals!!!
C When my servant does not fetch my baton - scandalous!
D I don’t know much about political doctrines

What is your favorite news source?

A Wall Street Journal
B One America News!
C Wikipedia
D The Snitch

What's the streaming service you use most?

A HBO Max
B YouTube
C I only watch live theatre
D NRA TV

Is money good?

A Money is the root of all evil, in theory
B Money is the root of all evil, which is why we must destroy capitalism
C Money is the root of all evil, which is why I have plenty
D Money is the root of all evil; therefore poor people should have none

What search engine do you use?

A Bing, it got on my computer and I can’t afford the anti-virus software to get it off
B DuckDuckGo, it protects your data!
C Google, they deserve that monopoly!
D I use one not available to the public yet

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